Victim’s Voices
On Misconceptions about stalking….
“There is a great lack of understanding in society about stalking. No one wants to believe it actually happens” – Sarah
“I think that stalking is still not taken seriously enough and many people don’t fully understand the impact it has on the victims.” – Amanda
“My experience highlighted that stalking in our society holds no or little profile and is not taken viewed as a serious crime. And the majority of people whilst aware of it, have none or very little understanding of the devastating impact it can have on a person’s life. During my involvement with the police, none of the officers I came into contact had any understanding or experience in this type of stalking and I later found out they receive little or no training on policing stalking crimes.” – Ann
On how the lack of understanding about stalking affects you…
“The Police didn’t really understand that the person who did this to me actually did it. I felt completely alone and as if I was making this up.” – Sarah
“I think that in my case the police response was not as robust as it could have been in the early stages but once they realised how serious it was they were brilliant.” - Amanda
“I was made to feel as if I was making `a bit of a fuss about nothing’ and didn’t feel supported.” – Ann
“Initially I was treated as if I had brought this upon myself and being a single woman, it was inferred my social life may have been the encourager. I felt humiliated and degraded and very much stereotyped as the over reactive single women who obviously had plenty of ex boyfriends in the cupboard. This made me feel worthless and although I know it is not true, I went through a terrible phase of thinking that “this is all my fault” – Ann
“When I first started to receive threatening mail, friends could not understand why I was so upset. The majority consoled me by saying” Don’t worry he will soon get fed up and move on to someone else” or ” you will be fine” and when I spoke of going to the police they thought I was over reacting. I was left feeling totally un-supported, isolated and although friends believed I was over reacting no one offered me a safe place in their home. They obviously didn’t feel comfortable in case I brought my stalker to their door. Eventually I became a prisoner in my own home in fear of venturing out. “ – Ann
On how your health can affected by stalking…
“It made me feel stupid/vulnerable/paranoid about my own beliefs… It affects your whole life i.e. you’re scared to go out alone, constantly looking around you, locking car doors and actually never wanting to be alone even in your own home” – Sarah
“ The long-term impact (of being stalked) has been that I find it quite difficult to talk to people about my experience and am now considering some sort of counselling to talk it out.” – Amanda
“My health suffered: my hair went thin with the stress. I suffered from nervous exhaustion and PTSD. I was hyper vigilant and lived on my nerves all the time. I ended up in counselling and anti depressants. I saw a psychologist and a counsellor and both had no great understanding of this type of stalking.” - Ann
What you’d like people to understand about stalking…
“I would like society to understand that stalking is a very serious crime with a long-term impact on victims and their families.” – Amanda
“If other people could understand how serious (stalking) is then I think that would help other victims to come forward and feel that their fears are justified.” – Sarah
“I would like society to understand stalking as a serious and hideous crime with serious consequences for the victim that can last for many years. It is such a vicious crime I do not think victims ever really recover. Some may move on with their lives and some end up on anti depressants the rest of their life. Others have nervous breakdowns. Stalking destroys people and families and it is this understanding which the public need to gain.” - Ann
Why ‘joining’ The Network for Surviving Stalking can help
“It’s sad to hear other people have been victims but would also help make me feel quite “normal”… – Sarah
“Hearing about other peoples’ experiences helps to validate my own feelings about what happened.” – Amanda
“During my experience I found no other person who could understand what was happening in my life and I could find no one who had experienced similar. To have the opportunity to hear about other people’s experiences would have stopped me feeling isolated, given me support, validated my fears and normalised my feelings. Hearing about other people’s experiences is crucial to understanding what stalking is, what stalking does and what needs done to support innocent victims. I was lost and isolated living through a nightmare with no where to turn. I would welcome the opportunity to hear about other victim’s experiences and most importantly above all: The story from a victims subjective experience is the most honest, reliable and most powerful way to drive home true understanding of this horrendous crime. We need these voices and the fact there are not many around is proof that people find it hard to relive such terrible experiences. That is how bad stalking is.” - Ann
(Some names have been changed.)
